The other night my husband and I went out to dinner and decided to take a meal to my son who was pulling a 12-hour shift at work. As we were pulling in, I noticed his car parked in the lot and a moment that often hits me enveloped me once again. I turned to my husband and said, “Will it ever not be weird to see our son driving, working, and stepping into adulthood? Remember when he was just a baby in that car and now he owns it and is driving all over the place? Where did the time go?”

The consensus was that it will never NOT be weird and always be perpetually bittersweet. 

Because whether we like it or not, our people grow up. They do actually change in the blink of an eye morphing into who they will become while leaving behind who they once were. The hard days become distant memories and so do the good ones because it’s all so fast, so quick, so fleeting.

As I went inside to pass off dinner, his whole six foot three self welcomed me with a smile, zero embarrassment was evident in his eyes and he was happy to chat for a bit about his day. A few hours later I received a simple text, “Thanks for dinner, Mom” and I immediately imprinted that feeling onto my heart next to the other ones I never want to forget. Because in a blink, they’re over. Gone. Finished.

This coming school year is a big one for almost all of my kids. Our oldest will begin his Senior year, our second son will turn sixteen in a few short months, our third will be entering the last year in elementary school and while my fourth will not be stepping into any particular milestone he will be in third grade which is so hard to believe. 

It’s all hard to believe.

Parenting has been the most difficult yet rewarding thing I’ve ever done. It’s been one of the most painful yet joyous experiences of my life and I think every parent can relate to the duality that exists in this role of mother and fatherhood. 

Everyone tells you that it will go by quickly but it’s impossible to understand until it happens to you. As much as you want to savor every single moment you’ll still long for some of those back after they’re gone. You’ll imprint every single caress, every smell, every touch of their little fingers wrapping around yours and somehow it still won’t be enough. You’ll long for just one more. 

As the calendar turns, you’ll go from diapers to superhero underwear, action figures to cell phones, talks in the car to keys to their very first car. One day you’re hiding your tears in the Kindergarten line telling them, “You are brave. You are smart. You are magical,” the next you’re closing the car trunk on their belongings and sharing one final hug as they speed off to adulthood. It all changes so breathtakingly fast that sometimes it’s hard to stop and pull air into your lungs.

Because as much as everything changes, some things never change at all.

The love you feel for your baby (because they are indeed always your baby) never fades. The wonder of watching them sleep never ceases no matter how grown they get. The healing power of their hugs doesn’t fade even when instead of holding them you’re now looking up to them. The power that is laced in those four magical words, “I love you, Mom,” is enough to anchor you, balance you, and fill you up no matter if it’s the first time you ever heard it or the last time. The pride you feel as you witness your humans face their fears, learn from their mistakes, and do epic things – will never not bring you to tears.

So as much as things change, so much stays the same – even if you aren’t the same. 

There is scientific evidence that while your child is developing inside the womb some of their DNA travels and embeds itself into your tissues making our kids a permanent part of your own genetic makeup. There is another study that suggests when a mother suffers a wound, the first cells to arrive for healing are the ones she gained from her babies. In spirituality studies, it is said that there is a permanent cord that is linked between the mother and child’s auras which is where we get the saying, “A child is like having a heart walking outside of my body.”

These are some of the most beautiful studies and truths I’ve ever read, and if you’re a mother you have likely felt exactly what I am talking about. There is a connection that can never be explained in words, no matter how skilled of a wordsmith one might be. 

In this connection lives a thousand stories, a million experiences, growth and failures, love and disappointments, trials and failings. Sometimes traumas live there, regrets, and things that can’t be undone. Often we long to get to the next stage and phase so we can skip over the hard and get to the good but life doesn’t work like that now does it? 

Something I have learned on this parenting journey is that as much as we cling to the happy and good memories we should also cling to the hard ones too because there is so much richness to be derived from them. 

Some of the hardest parenting moments I have experienced turned out to be the richest. They not only demanded me to step into the next level of myself as a mother, but they required me to trust in my own children and allow them to be in control of their own journey – the good and the bad. These moments required me to truly understand selfless love and to get out of the way of the hard teaching moments that were being presented to my child. Those are the times when you are forced to look inward at your motivations as a mother and the trust you have in yourself. 

Those moments are painful but man are they the ones I do cling to because they will always be those “turning of the tide” moments that were crucial to end up where we are today. 

So I’m not really sure where I’m going with this post, sometimes my ramblings don’t always have a larger point but I guess it’s to say just enjoy all of it. The messy, the loud, the chaotic, the frustrating, the hard, the happy, the good, the joyful, the sad, the grief, the confusing, the perplexing, the times that don’t make sense, the times that surprise you, the times that gut you – every single bit of it is amazing, even when it doesn’t feel like it. 

Someday you’ll get to rest. Someday the messes will diminish. Someday soon your role will change and you’ll have less and less control and responsibility in their lives – and it’s all amazing; every second of it. 

Don’t resist it. Don’t fear it. Ride the waves of change, be excited about what the next phase will bring, and hold close the memories of the phase that came before it because time is fleeting and someday you’ll just want one more moment to re-live it all.