I remember the moment we decided to stop sports. It was the end of July, so hot that there was steam practically coming off of our deck floor. The pool felt like bath water at that point but we were all in it trying to cool down, all the same. 

The string lights were twinkling, the sun was setting and what would have looked picturesque was actually a moment spent feeling burnt out, exhausted, emotionally and mentally wrung out. 

My son had just finished his eighth year of baseball and to say it was the worst one yet, would have been an understatement. 

Baseball used to be the place that brought joy, especially for my son. His talent was noticeable, his natural abilities shined and the sport gave him a space to work off his energy, grow, and step into being a leader. 

However, the older he got, the more the game changed. Coaches got more competitive, expectations rose, traveling more frequent, practices went from a few months to year-round, and expenses became almost unmanageable. 

Every weekend was spent at the baseball diamond, almost every weeknight was spent at practice, and the exhaustion was real. What used to be fun, was turning into a complete nightmare – not just for us, but also for our son. 

We’ve always approached sports in a very open way. We consider it a family affair and one that everyone should have a say and opinion on; after all, it takes commitment and sacrifice from everyone in order to make it work. 

I checked in with our son numerous times season after season to gauge how he was feeling and if he was still having fun. While our son did have talent, the goal was to have fun, not try to be the next Major League baseball player. I knew the second he stopped having fun, is the moment we would be playing our last season because I was never going to push him to do more. 

So that night in the pool, we were discussing the hard season that had just ended. Outside of baseball, our life had been intense and riddled with complications and hardships, and on the field, it was much the same. 

As we were all sprawled out on our pool floats, batting away mosquitos everyone seemed to be on the same page; our time with baseball was over. 

Our son was the one who made this decision. I had never seen him so down, so detached, and the confidence that had been beaten out of him that year was brutal to watch. He was a shell of himself so when he said, “I don’t want to play baseball anymore,” we immediately said, “Then you don’t ever have to play ever again.”

We had joined a new team that year and it was a disaster from start to finish. It took its toll and in some ways, it’s taken a couple of years away from it to really recover which is how I found myself here writing this out today.

Sports is not what it used to be. It feels like each year that goes by, it’s one more thing that is catered to the elites. Costs are astronomical and the time commitment is intense. If you don’t have a nanny, or unlimited funds having even just one kid in sports can really put a strain on your entire family unit. 

So what is causing the strain?

I don’t think people realize how much mental energy sports can take from everyone. As parents, we try to balance our attention to each one of our four kids. We try to show up equally and make sure they all feel love and attention but when one kid is in an activity that requires a ton of time that kid will receive much more of the attention naturally.

For us, we weren’t just spending a ton of time at the baseball field but we spent hours upon hours talking about the previous games or practices or baseball-related content in our normal home time. We would research gear, watch training videos, and dissect the support (or lack thereof) that he was receiving from coaches and other players. When he started to really struggle, we had to pour even more attention into him to help build his confidence, support him, and keep an eye on his mental health.

Every second of this took away from our other children. They not only had to spend their weekends and their downtime at the ballpark, on the road, or piled in small hotel rooms because we couldn’t afford two of them – they also had to sacrifice time with us so we could have talks and discussions with our baseball-playing son. 

It also takes a toll on quality time and your partnership. Often you’re in two different places, or the responsibilities end up falling to one parent so then there’s resentment. You’re like two ships passing in the night and everyone’s too exhausted to actually talk and figure out how to achieve more balance. 

It’s just tough and I remember I started going to bed more often than not feeling like I was failing because all the balls I was juggling were starting to come crashing down. 

It’s now been two seasons since he has played and I can honestly say that stopping was the best decision we ever made. However, I say that while also having zero regrets about the time and investment we did make into his baseball time. 

I think we all learned so much and grew through that experience and now know more than we ever did before. It really made us more of a unit and team because it really did take all 6 of us to make it work and that is something that has paid off in dividends as the kids have gotten older. It’s taught us how precious our time is and how important it is to protect that. It’s taught numerous lessons and without those years, we would have missed out on a lot of wisdom that has really benefited us. 

My point in writing this is not to say your kid should never play a sport or do an activity but I do think the “darker” side of these things is not talked about enough. There is a tendency to normalize things because it’s a big industry or because everyone is doing it so the time commitment, the cost, the extreme competitiveness almost becomes normal – and it’s 100% not normal or okay. 

Finding a team that doesn’t think they’re creating future Major League players is almost impossible and the expectations are insane and completely unrealistic. It’s hard to just have fun, and almost impossible to play just because you love baseball. 

Instead, it’s about downloading apps so stats can be recorded and decisions made off numbers and politics rather than talent and fairness. That shouldn’t be normal.

Spending $600 – $1000 in a weekend, getting covered in dust, toting toddlers to and from dusty fields, putting miles on your car, eating unhealthy food, being exhausted when you go back to work on a Monday feeling like you had zero rest or time to decompress all in the sake of a kid’s game- and then doing that again for 15 weekends in a row – is not normal. 

Having to explain to your kid that it has nothing to do with talent and all to do with politics and watching him be deflated little by little all  the time – is not normal.

This shouldn’t be the cost of our kids having a chance to play a game that is supposed to be fun. The physical cost is high, but the mental one is a price you might not ever be able to pay.

So if you have a kid in sports and this has not been your experience, ignore this post, because you are truly living the dream. But if you are considering sports or are having this same experience I want you to know that you’re not alone. Nobody talks about this, but I assure you many are feeling this. 

You’re not the only one questioning “what are we doing?” or feeling the disconnect in your family and your home life. The burnout is real, the separation that starts to occur is real and with everything else in life, it can be hard to keep things smooth sailing.

Having these doubts, and wanting to quit – none of it makes you a bad mom. It actually makes you an in-tune and protective mother.

It’s okay to say no.

It’s okay to say that you’ve had enough.

It’s okay to take a stand and not have to be at the whims of finances and politics.

It’s your family. It’s your time. Protect it fiercely. 

My son hasn’t picked up a baseball or a bat in 2 years. His glove has been gathering dust next to his medals on his bedroom shelf. We still talk about it sometimes, and we are open about our feelings, but there is zero regret about walking away. 

Sometimes the best things in life require us to walk away from the things we love so we can discover something new – and that’s exactly what we did.