Yesterday, I was doing some keyword research for one of my clients (Yes, I’m an OBM by day and a writer by night 😉) and I noticed that when I typed into the Pinterest search bar the words “how to” the first suggested search term was “how to look pretty.” 

Now for those of you who don’t know how keywords or search terms work let me quickly explain. Whenever we are typing in a word or term into any search engine it will typically suggest to us the most popular searches that begin or contain that word. This is how you know what the masses are searching for specifically in relation to that topic or word.

So imagine my sadness when I typed in the extremely generic words “how to” and the first thing suggested to me was “how to look pretty.” Because so many women and girls have searched for “how to look pretty” it is now one of the first searched terms under “how to.”

Just let that sink in for a moment. 

I wish I could say I was surprised; I wasn’t. We have all seen the absolute obsession our society has cultivated with appearances and looks. While this is nothing new, I do feel like in the era of social media it’s at an all-time high.

Which makes me wonder, why are we as women so obsessed with how we look?

When did it change from having fun with our hair, makeup, and clothes to being petrified of aging, texture, or any loose skin?

As a 36-year-old woman, aging has been interesting so far. Things start to change around 35 and it seems like fine lines start to appear more quickly, skin gets looser and everything gets drier. It’s an odd thing to witness considering one day everything is pretty normal and the next it’s like a switch has been flipped.

But aging is universal and so there’s a certain camaraderie that comes with knowing everyone your age is starting to experience the same changes, the same issues, and learning to embrace the new normal… at least that’s how it used to be.

Now, aging is kind of weird. So many women my age have had some kind of work done. Whether it’s Botox and fillers or tummy tucks and breast implants it’s created a rather interesting landscape to wade through. 

I have had no work done, no Botox, no injectables, and no filler of any kind. I mostly rely on my very regimented skincare routine that I’ve had since I was in my teens as well as religiously sticking with my sunscreen. While I definitely think this has paid off so far, it’s never going to compare to a little help from a syringe. 

So now when I look at myself and see so many women my age looking smoother, more plump, and admittedly a little more frozen than me – it can certainly mess with my head because my point of reference of what is “normal” aging has in many ways evaporated. Not that I need someone else to tell me if I’m aging normally or rapidly but it would be kind of nice to know where I’m at with things and be able to have conversations with others about what it’s like to be this age without any help. 

Now I’m a firm believer in doing whatever makes you happy, I’m not casting any shame at all here, just stating the strange circumstances we find ourselves in right now.

But let’s circle back to my Pinterest search. In 2022 7.4 Million American women received Botox which was a 26.1% increase from 2021. This doesn’t include filler or any other procedure or injectable – just Botox. 

This has made me wonder if it’s these women receiving Botox who are searching “how to look pretty” or if it’s the women and girls who see these women and all of a sudden feel different, less attractive, and like something is wrong with them who then open Pinterest to search “how to look pretty.”

I often wonder what responsibility we have as adult women to create messaging about beauty to the younger generations. We certainly grew up in a time when size 2 was in, a size 6 was fat and beauty standards were appalling. Remember when Jessica Simpson was considered fat? Appalling! 

Many of us have struggled with lifelong beauty and body issues that have stemmed from the 90s and early 2000s. So I’m not surprised that we are constantly trying to be skinnier, prettier, and more acceptable in society. 

What I do find interesting is that as much as we loathed the beauty standards that were given to us and have praised a world that has become more body-positive and inclusive, I wonder if we are doing to younger girls the same thing we felt was done to us. With all the nips and tucks and plumping and smoothing – are we too creating unrealistic views of beauty and aging? 

With our mommy makeovers and BBL’s are we signaling to women and girls everywhere that you can’t be confident unless you look like a Kardashian? Are we creating a story that confidence doesn’t increase with age, it actually decreases so much you need to spend thousands of dollars every month to try to regain the fountain of youth?

To be honest, I really don’t know. I think only time will tell as we see this all play out but I do wonder why so many girls and women feel unattractive. Why so many are thinking they need a “glow up.”

Maybe it’s the constant use of filters and lighting that has created a completely unrealistic view of what we really look like. Skin no longer has texture, it’s just this airbrushed filter. Lips are no longer normal size, they’re filled and plumped and puckered out. Eyelashes are no longer different shapes and sizes, instead they’re thick and long and only achievable with extensions. 

Camera angles have allowed for thigh gaps to be faked, hip dips to disappear, booty’s to be plumper, boobs to be larger, and stomachs to appear flatter. Cellulite is blurred out, stretch marks are covered up, and that pesky fat under our chins has been snatched. No wonder we look up from our phone and into a mirror and start nitpicking ourselves to death. No wonder we go into a spiral when a fine line appears on our foreheads. No wonder we find ourselves paying attention to parts of our body we never even noticed before because now the “perfect” versions are everywhere. 

I’m saddened we have done this to ourselves. 

Living as a woman in this society is hard enough without us making it harder on each other, even when I do believe it’s completely unintentional.

We all just want to feel pretty, don’t we? 

We all just want to feel confident.

But I wonder if any of us feel pretty or confident at all. It seems many of us are looking for it in the next pound lost, the next syringe-filled toxin, or the latest skincare fad. 

Our bathroom counters are littered with magic potions, our bank accounts drain at the next “it thing” purchase, and all the while our hearts still feel weary and our minds still unworthy.

Maybe we don’t need a glow-up at all. Maybe we are already perfect and as magical as we are. Perhaps our uniqueness is what makes us beautiful and worthy. Perhaps it’s the larger nose some of us have, or the mole that sits on our upper lip, or the asymmetrical face, or the hooded eyes. Maybe it’s the thinner upper lip or the freckles that dot our cheeks. Maybe it’s the crooked teeth in our smile and the little sag under our chins. 

Perhaps our memories are stored in the smile lines on our faces. Perhaps the memory of the children we carried is outlined in the stretch marks on our skin. Maybe the point isn’t to cover and fill and get rid of – but to embrace, love, and display proudly all of the marks that prove we have well and truly lived. 

They say aging is a privilege and that is one I believe to be so true. 

Those of us still breathing have received a massive gift so many are denied and I wonder if we are focused on all the wrong things when in the end none of that actually matters. 

Do we love harder because we are deemed prettier by society’s standards? 

Do our spouses love us more because our bodies have been nipped and tucked to defy the laws of gravity?

Are we better moms because we weigh less and have fewer wrinkles on our foreheads?

Are we better friends because our hair is blown out, thick, and voluminous?

At the end of our life, I’m not sure any of the superficial really matters. What people remember is how we made them feel, not how we graced their eyes with beauty. The people that truly count recognize that true beauty lies within which in actuality enhances everything on the outside. 

So how do you look pretty?

By embracing all that you are now in whatever stage of life you are in and by accepting and being excited for all that is to come. Being pretty is about loving those things you deem as “flawed” and realizing that those are what make you special. True beauty lies in being unafraid of wrinkles and age spots because you realize that some of the most beautiful stories burrow themselves into our skin. 

Perfection isn’t real.

True beauty is real. 

You don’t need to know how to be pretty because you already are. If you could only see yourself the way everyone else sees you, you would realize just how beautiful you are. If you only learned to love yourself, like others love you – you would realize that the confidence you seek was inside of you all along.

Your smile is the glow-up. Your heart is the glow up. The way you care and love others is the glow up. 

You don’t need to know how to be pretty, because you already are.