Dear Momma, 

13 years ago I sent my first son off to school for his first day of Kindergarten. All of these years later I can still picture him walking in the front door, head down, Spiderman backpack swallowing him whole, with a stoic look on his face. On the outside, I was smiling, waving, and telling him I loved him – the poster mom for excitement and confidence. On the inside, I was equal parts excited and sad, fighting back tears, knowing that before we knew it he would be walking into school for his last first day and I would wonder, “Where did the time go?”

My friends, tomorrow will be that day and I do in fact sit here and wonder where the time has gone. 

We have had 3 more first Kindergarten days since then and with each one, they are more bittersweet because you know how quickly time speeds by. While one is entering his senior year, our youngest is still showing off his Minecraft backpack, thinking about his Santa list (yes, even in August), and contemplating what recess games he and his friends will invent this year. 

It’s a true dichotomy with all the ages the boys are at right now, and honestly it’s the most fun – even in the stressful times. 

We may have left those first days of Kindergarten behind, but those moments still linger in my heart – whispering to me this time of year. Reminding me what it’s like to send your baby (or your senior) off to school and how difficult it can be to relinquish control, trust, and see them walk inside ready to take on the world without you. 

So today, as a mom who’s done it a few times, I wanted to speak to your heart because I know it’s a little sad, a little frazzled, a little panicky, and a whole host of other emotions impossible to name. 

First, let me just say that I see you. 

No, really, I do.

I see the emotional turmoil you’re experiencing right now, but also the excitement you have for your kid because deep under all that fear and trepidation, questions, and what – if’s, you know your kid will thrive and you can’t wait to see their growth. 

I also know these emotions aren’t always easy to express or received well with people in our lives so I just wanted to take a moment to say I SEE YOU. ALL OF YOU! 

Secondly, let me tell you what to expect. 

• Expect to be a mess. 
• Expect to cry (just wait till they are inside)
• Expect to feel like your heart might just fall outside of your body – because in reality it is sort of walking around in a Kindergarten class now far away from you.
• Expect to watch the clock, those first few days, and wonder why it is taking so long for the bus to arrive. (A word to the wise the bus is typically always really late the first week of school)
• Expect to feel bored and therefore your mind will start to wander.
• Expect to question if you’re kid is getting in trouble, if they’ve peed their pants, if they’re talking too much, if they’re making friends, if they ate their lunch (I mean did you remember to give them their lunch?) if they have said something outrageous, etc. 
• Expect to hug them when they get home and cling to them like they’ve come home from war and it’s been 10 years since you’ve set your eyes on them.
• Expect them to not like the long hug and be desperate to scramble out of your arms.
• Expect them to tell you all about how great their day was and quiet all of your anxieties.
• Expect them not to have answers to all of your questions and forget about their school day 5 minutes after they get home. 
• Expect them to be unphased, sleepy but fine, and ready to do it the next day. 
• Expect to go to bed that night feeling a little bit better than you did the day before because momma day 1 of their school career is over and I promise it’s probably the hardest day, only second to their last day. You did it! Now sleep.

Thirdly, I want you to promise me that you won’t judge your emotions this week. I want you to fully embrace what you’re feeling, allow yourself to process it, and realize that you aren’t your emotions – they don’t have to control you. They are there to communicate with you – nothing more, and nothing less. 

Your child is highly sensitive to everything you are feeling and the more amped up you are about the change, the more amped up they will be.  Being an example of how we observe our emotions, listen to what they are telling us, and then how we can move through them – is a gift that will serve your child well, especially as they enter school.

But that’s not super easy, now is it? As adults we often have a bad habit of projecting our own experiences onto our kids, assuming they’ll have the same highs and lows we did. We often forget that they will have their own journeys, carve their own paths, and will experience very different things we did, good and bad. 

So we have to be careful to allow that journey to unfold throughout their school life. Allowing them to have their own moments and likes and dislikes and not projecting our own past stories into theirs. 

Do you truly understand what I’m saying? If you do then really, really let that sink in. If you do you’ll get through these next 13 years sooooo much easier than if you don’t understand it. Just trust me on this.

Fourthly, I want to be honest with you – this is the first test you will encounter of letting them go. I think of parenting like those old-school chains we used to make with strips of construction paper. From Kindergarten to 18 (and perhaps beyond) we are tethered to our children by this paper chain and throughout that journey, we will have these moments that require us to tear one of those pieces apart, until eventually we aren’t tethered anymore. 

Your first day of school is the first tear. It will hurt. You’ll literally feel like you’ve been torn but I PROMISE you are made for this. After all, this is what parenting is all about, right?! 

Be confident in who you are as a mom. 

Know that what you have done in these first 5 or 6 years of life has prepared them to take these first few steps without you. Trust that you are exactly who they need to make it all the way to senior year. 

Trust. Trust. Trust.

Lastly, let me say this.

Tonight, I will write my oldest his last “first day of school letter.” It will be laced with humor and stained with tears. 

Tomorrow I’ll watch him walk out the front door and to his car with a backpack that looks small on his now 6 foot 3 frame. He won’t look stoic or scared, he will look relieved that this is it. As tradition stands, he will pause at his car door, look to the window, and wave – perhaps realizing this is a big moment for him that is settling into his psyche. 

In 273 days I’ll sit in the stands, in a dress I picked out just for this day, waiting for his name to be called. And when it does I’ll cheer for that little blonde boy in his Spiderman backpack that I let go out into the world all those years ago. The tears will fall and I’ll tear that last chain tethering me to him with confidence and pride (and a lot of sadness) knowing we did it. We really did it. 

Friend, I won’t lie to you – the next 13 years are going to force you to grow like you’ve never grown before. There will be hard, hard moments but there will also be so much fun, so much laughter, and so much pride. Be open to it all. Allow it all to come. Receive the good and the bad with open arms and don’t take a single second for granted because it does go by so fast.

I’m here with you on your journey and I hope your first “first day” of school is full of peace. 

Sending love!

XX Alecia